I'm sharing my experience because I know that many individuals, like me, struggle with their connection to health and fitness. I'd like you to know you're not alone. I could begin by telling you about how I used to eat just potato chips for lunch when I first got to America in kindergarten, but to save you time, I'll begin before college. I wanted to look good going into college, just like practically everyone else. As a result, I spent my summer in India starving myself rather than enjoying the great street cuisine and my grandmother's cooking, which resulted in me weighing less than 130 pounds.
That surge of desire to attain a model-like figure began after college, as it does for so many students. I went to the gym and physically flung around some weight after viewing some YouTube videos and devised a "perfect" exercise plan (I didn't do legs). Similarly, my studies and obvious common sense led me to the notion of dirty bulking. I assumed that because I was a novice, I could eat as much as I wanted and that as long as I ate a gram of protein per pound of bodyweight, it would primarily develop into muscle. This is completely incorrect. Even as a newbie, it is relatively simple to outeat a crowd. To add to the blaze,
I'm still not sure why I believed I should maintain eating at the same rate I was working out. It was probably simply a self-justification to use the unlimited food package that all first-year students at my university are supposed to have. After my first abortive attempt, I worked out in stretches here and there, but COVID sabotaged any serious effort. To compensate, I'd resort to yoyo dieting. This is when someone diets because they believe they have gained too much weight, and then loosens up again after seeing some improvements, resulting in a self-perpetuating loop.
When COVID closed schools in March 2020, I was determined to get in shape, so I began running for the first time since high school. I must admit that I was very driven, since I rapidly progressed to running a 10k (6.2 mile) every day in under 50 minutes. I did this for a few months before stopping since I was quite busy that summer. Unfortunately, I continued to eat like I was running 10k every day, which strangely coincided with my mom's baking period, in which she would create a different sort of cake every other day. Let's just say that late-night munching and drinking
The mix of mango cheesecake and the refrigerator is not ideal. This resulted in me weighing the most I'd ever weighed, 155 pounds. My third year was when I realized I had gone too far and began lifting again. This is when I finally got consistent, but it was also when I suffered the most with my physique and self-image.
I began lifting with a friend and adhered to a tight diet of 1750 calories a day. Over the next four months, I shed 20 pounds while gaining some muscle. These four months were rather healthy, both physically and psychologically, for the first time in my fitness quest. I cheated once or twice a week, but I was mostly consistent. I really wanted to get back into shape since I had never been so out of shape before.
After certain personal occurrences, I became preoccupied with training in March 2021. I wanted to appear insane. Like many of the TikTok and Instagram stars, but without the editing, carpets, or surgery. I seldom missed a workout, ate a lean bulking (smart muscle growth) diet, and became the most consistent I'd ever been.
When summer arrived, I became even more focused. I started practicing the nine habits in 90 days programmer, a couple of which were lifting-related. Every time I broke a habit, I was quite critical of myself. I despised the food I ate, but I ate it nevertheless in order to "maximize" my gains. My diet consisted of quinoa, chickpeas, tempeh, veggies I didn't like, bland eggs, and unflavored protein drinks for three and a half months. I didn't eat this healthy to be healthy, but to get as fit as possible. I read that chickpeas and quinoa have chemicals that may help speed muscle building, so I decided to give it a try because it was a nutritious food.
For the first time in my life, I acquired sleeplessness while slogging through my different "healthy" practices. I'd get five hours of sleep, work at my internship, and then go to the gym for two hours of lifting every day. I also didn't take a day off half the time, which meant I worked out seven days a week.
At the same time, I became the saddest I'd ever been. Every week, I'd look in the mirror and feel like I wasn't growing any larger, even though my lifts were plainly increasing. I'd become frustrated because I wasn't making as much progress as I wanted to month after month. This led me down the rabbit hole of vitamins and performance-enhancing drugs. I wanted to be as productive as possible. So, at first, I began taking a variety of natural supplements such as BCAAs and ashwagandha. When this didn't work, I began researching SARMs. I spent endless hours researching SARMs, from their effects to effectiveness to adverse effects. I
I considered it, but then realized that at that point, I may as well start using steroids. The science underlying them was fascinating. One cycle will not harm you (sarcasm). After hundreds of hours of study, I crafted a meticulous strategy. I created a theoretical method for mitigating most of the adverse effects by employing safer substances and a variety of supplements. To be as effective as possible, I went into the chemical and anatomical science of it all. I even placed an order for them.
Looking back, if I hadn't been so terrified of self-administering shots, I probably would have done it. I'm not proud of it in the least. I wasn't going to tell a single person because I felt humiliated. I ultimately told my closest friends, but that was the end of it. The reason I'm bringing it up now is because it's so frequent. According to a 2014 survey, up to four million people in the United States have taken anabolic steroids. They're probably even simpler to come by now. Anyway, the issue of PEDs is for another day. The point is that many individuals, not just me and you, struggle with their bodies.
I did ultimately relax in the fall of 2021. I still had sleeplessness (which I was working on), and my mental health was not great, but I was having a much better time in my last year of college. I maintained working out consistently, bulking and reducing in intervals, until I reached my peak in spring 2022.
The narrative isn't finished yet. The problem is that I no longer resemble this. I relocated to San Francisco very shortly after college. I avoided working out at first since I was touring the area and adjusting to my new life. After that, I went halfway across the nation to pick up my dog, Apollo. And, in case you didn't know, it's really difficult to exercise while working and caring for a five-month-old dog on your own. As a result, I basically placed it on the back burner for a bit. Surprisingly, I'd say I was doing really well psychologically.
I loathed what I had done for the last two years of poisonous exercise and self-punishment. So it was wonderful to be away from everything. I was also in good health for the first several months. I began playing intramural basketball, which reignited my passion for the game. As a consequence, I played basketball almost every day and practiced for the first time since 9th grade. I maintained in decent condition by combining this with walking my dog everywhere.
However, the last three months of 2022 were really awful. I traveled a lot, which meant I ate poorly. I also caught mono in November, which caused me to accomplish nothing for the whole month. I took a couple excursions in December, one of which was a cruise with an unlimited beverages package, which led to my drinking roughly five additional sweet pina coladas every day. I was also at home in December, which was bad for my nutrition. Because of all of these factors, as well as a general disregard for my health, I became the most out of shape I've been since September 2020. Because I stated that this was unfiltered, this is how I appeared earlier this month.
After coming to San Francisco, I experienced significant personal growth. I've done some amazing things, such as buying a puppy and traveling across the country by myself. However, there are still many areas that require improvement. For example, at the conclusion of the year, I did some very dumb stuff. But that's okay; it's all part of life. The most essential thing is to use all you've learned in the past to build a better future for myself and others. That is why I felt compelled to write this piece. I've been intending to do it for a while, but it's a difficult subject to write about.
Everyone's health and fitness should be a priority in their lives. When done correctly, it has the potential to completely transform someone's life. However, the way it is depicted in today's culture is deceptive and untrue, with harmful consequences for millions of individuals. Just know that you're not alone, and that it's natural to battle with your body regardless of how athletic you are. Even superstars with the best of everything suffer, so why should we not? Only compare yourself to yourself, take things day by day, and concentrate on what you can manage – in fitness and in life.
With that in mind, I returned to the gym. This time, though, I'm adopting a new approach. I'm relearning to appreciate lifting. I'm going slowly. I'm letting the weights rise on their own, without worrying if I'm weaker than the previous session or if my weight is more than last week. In fact, while appearing thinner, I've really gained a few pounds since starting, which is OK. Along with all of this, I'm aiming to maintain a healthy lifestyle in general
Most importantly, I'm not pressuring anything. I'm attempting to incorporate it into my life in a way that makes me want to do it.
I had a lot of fun writing this, and I want to write more about it in the future. Please leave your opinions in the comments, give it a big clap if you liked it, and contact me if you have any questions.
With that in mind, I returned to the gym. This time, though, I'm adopting a new approach. I'm relearning to appreciate lifting. I'm going slowly. I'm letting the weights rise on their own, without worrying if I'm weaker than the previous session or if my weight is more than last week. In fact, while appearing thinner, I've really gained a few pounds since starting, which is OK. Along with all of this, I'm aiming to maintain a healthy lifestyle in general
Most importantly, I'm not pressuring anything. I'm attempting to incorporate it into my life in a way that makes me want to do it.
I had a lot of fun writing this, and I want to write more about it in the future. Please leave your opinions in the comments, give it a big clap if you liked it, and contact me if you have any questions.
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FAQ
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